Dear Shplinky
Well, this week is kind of a monumental week for you! In the womb, you developed your voice! It is said that you actually might start crying silently. I don’t know why you would cry, but it has brought up a thought in my mind. How am I going to handle when you go through pain?
You know, it would be super awesome if you were a child that was perfect in heart, wonderfully mannered, and completely obedient. It would be SO awesome if you loved God with all your heart 100% of the time and were the “angel” child. But, God’s word is very clear that you are already a sinner. You already have sin in you and because of that, you will not be perfect. In fact, you are going to make some wrong decisions. Those wrong decisions are going to cause you pain, and in turn, cause your mommy and I pain.
I think back to when I was not walking well with the Lord. I was 18 and sitting at a coffee shop with my dad. My dad has just brought a HUGE sin to my attention. I could see the pain in his eyes as he asked me what was going on in my heart. I saw the look of fear in his eyes as he knew that his I was heading towards destruction. I saw the helplessness mixed with hope in his eyes as he realized that he could no longer “control” me and my decisions, but had to completely rely on God’s grace to bring me to repentance. All this I saw…and it didn’t even phase me. I wasn’t hurt by my decisions (well, I thought I wasn’t). I wasn’t humbled by my sin. I certainly didn’t give a crap about my dad’s care for me just because I had “messed up.” I felt no pain or hurt seeing my dad like that.
Then my dad said something that rocked my world forever. With tears in his eyes he looked at me and said, “Ryan, no matter how far you fall and no matter how deep your sin is, if you go down, I’m going down with you…fighting all the way.” I nearly lost it. Everything inside me broke. I stood up and walked away. Got in my car, drove 3 blocks to a park, and cried my heart out. I saw, for the first time, how my sin not only hurt me, but how it hurt someone who loved me.
Shplinky, I want you to know. No matter what you go through. No matter what happens. I will be here. If you go down, I’m going down with you…fighting all the way! Even if you don’t feel the pain of your sin, even if you aren’t convicted and moved to repentance, I will always care for you, love you, and be there for you, no matter how deep your sin is…why? Because God has shown me that kind of love!
On a lighter note, your mommy seems to be pretty convinced that you are a girl. I’m not totally sold. We get to find out, hopefully, in about 2 weeks! It’s kind of fun guessing what gender you are. It’s fun to dream about what life will be like with a daughter or a son. My mind races with so many thoughts on what we will get to do. What we will get to experience is going to be so amazing! If you are a girl, I hope you turn out like your mommy. I hope you have her heart, her demeanor, and her looks. If you are a boy, I hope you turn out like your PopPop (grandpa). I hope you have his heart, his humility, and his passion for God!
A few things now to think about while you’re hangin out with mommy:
1. Can you start moving? It’s never too early to start exercising. (Secretly, I just want to feel you move).
2. Please start telling Mommy exactly what you want to eat. She is always confused about what she wants for food. If you want pizza, tell her. If you want hot dogs, tell her. Please don’t ask for gross things like fish, cottage cheese, or pickles. Thanks.
3. Still keep using that left hand for everything. You can start sucking on your thumb (the pregnancy timeline said you might be doing that right now), but make sure you suck your right thumb, so that left hand is free to develop!
I want you to come out now, but I know you still have LOTS to develop. Your Mommy is already showing that you are in there; you’re getting so big! Keep hangin in there! Keep hating country music!
Love,
Your Daddy
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